dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wannas sexs uuuuu
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
