Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
