You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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