i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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