i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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