I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
