I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
