just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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