I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
