so explain again why im purple
no
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it because I queefed?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
