the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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