Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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