Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I need a burrito and a hug.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
