i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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