But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
