Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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