Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
