if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
