...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
