this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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