not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
