I want to have your abortion
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
