Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
