smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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