i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
