This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
