im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
