oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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