What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
