there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
