So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
