I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
