My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
