If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
