3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
