I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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