You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
