did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize