remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
