made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
