its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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