I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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