i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
