What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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