There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
farters have to be the big spoon...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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