Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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