it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
