I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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