my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
