All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is wine microwaveable?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
