I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
