I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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