I cockslap morals
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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