And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
