his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
