Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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