Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
