I'm so fucking centered right now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
