U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and she was petting her beer can
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
