Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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