Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
