When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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