I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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