found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
