Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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