I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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