The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
