Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
