found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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