This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
