Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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