his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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